25 SIGNS YOU HAVE GROWN UP (forwarded along to me by a fellow member of "the '70s club" -- the small handful of MPLs that were born prior to 1980). Let's see if any of these apply...
1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
I don't have any houseplants. I bought a beautiful vase on sale at Cost Plus, but I keep forgetting to buy flowers to put into it.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
Not necessarily. Depends on whether the other person in the bed is worth it.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
I have no beer in the fridge (and anyway I've cut back on my alcohol intake). I went grocery shopping earlier in the week though, and my fridge is well-stocked with food.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
Generally true, but with my class schedule it's not that common for me to wake up at 6 a.m. either.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
I've been hearing my favorite songs in elevators all my life. I always have to stop myself from singing along.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
I read the Weather Underground. (What might make me old is that I know the historical significance of the phrase "the Weather Underground.")
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up."
I have a few married friends, some of whom are several years younger than I am. And I have friends who are older than I am who still have regrettable hookups.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
I'm going to be solidly busy through my next major "vacation." But I am on break for a week right now.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
I just went to a networking event wearing a black v-neck sleeveless dress with a (visible) Badtz-Maru t-shirt under it.
10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
I've never done this.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
These sometimes come in the form of PG-13-rated e-mail forwards. As long as the jokes aren't about those relatives, I don't mind.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
It's been a couple of years since I was last in a Taco Bell. I've heard Fight Club-esque horror stories from ex-employees about the kitchen conditions and the fine upstanding people that handle the food.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
Car? What's that?
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
My cat (no dog) is back in New York with my folks, but he's been eating prescription food for probably a decade now.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
Everything makes my back hurt.
16. You take naps.
I worship naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
Hey, sometimes the dinner and the movie are better than the date.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
If it was the whole basket, yes... but I wouldn't turn down a couple of late-night wings. I'd prefer disco fries though.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
I mostly go to the drug store for shampoo, deodorant, vitamins, and to pick up prescriptions.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
While I wouldn't call Charles Shaw "pretty good shit," Trader Joe's wines have really come through more often than not.
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
I don't know what this means. Does it mean that I eat breakfast? I try to. I don't often have the kind of breakfasts I'd love to start every day with -- eggs, buttered toast, bacon, potatoes -- but I'll usually scarf down a banana or a nutrition bar or something. Does it mean that I don't eat breakfast food in the evening? In practice, I tend not to. On principle, I'm all for it.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
"I don't drink the way I used to" is more apt. And when I do, my thoughts revert to the latter sentence.
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
No, less than that. I could do more real work on the computer, but I haven't yet fully subscribed to the paperless society. I do love my laser printer.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
What's with all the drinking questions? (Oh, and I started doing this in my early twenties, when I was living in a town with a shit bar scene.)
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh shit, what the hell happened?"
In these cases, what I say and what I think don't always correlate.
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